Websites that will make you cry, guaranteed

[box]“Oh, so they have internet on computers now!” ~ Homer Simpson[/box]

The internet is a playground for top designers, writers and businessmen around the world – but there is a dark corner. A place where the playground bully is waiting to pound your eyes into submission. This dark corner is filled by the self-proclaimed ‘Web Wizards’ – people who believe that, without training, they are capable of blowing people’s minds with their online creations. They are correct in their belief though, your mind will be blown away – mainly due to the pure agony. We have bravely entered this realm and I have risked having my eyes actually explode into my brain; read through mind-numbing copy and spent days trying to navigate my way around: The Worst Sites on the Internet!

Design:

The design of your site leaves the first impression. By impression, we don’t mean it should feel like the impression left when a hairy biker drives his foot into your skull. Meet the winners:

http://www.dokimos.org/ajff/

After viewing this website, you would need to accept Jesus into your life so that he could make a blind man see – and by blind man I mean YOU!

http://www.angelfire.com/super/badwebs/

This was an example of how not to make a website. It’s just too bad that you cannot look at it long enough to get the information – without having your brain melt out of your ears.

http://www.ingenfeld.de/

Its German, it’s colourful and it makes no sense. I think it‘s about a possessed teddy bear and a stripper trying to use a mobile phone to contact someone from 1962.

Usability:

How would you describe the usability of your site? Does navigating your site make you feel like you are cruising to the beach with the help of a top of the range sat-nav and the affection of a beautiful blonde; or does it make you want to chew you hands off so that you have an excuse not to touch the mouse anymore? These sites took option two:

http://www.yvettesbridalformal.com/

There are many clues on what this website is about, but nothing decisive. I think it is some sort of puzzle about religion, flying an airplane and a woman in a dress. All that is important is that Yvette loves you and apple pie is just a click away – it says so somewhere in between the hideous mass of colourful blocks. I’m pretty sure Wally/Waldo is in there to, try and find him before the site kills you.

http://www.karl-fritsch.de

The only thing I could figure out was that he wanted people to contact him or sponsor him. Broken links and pure frustration will provide you with instant depression.

http://www.arngren.net/

Words cannot describe how this made me feel. It is kind of like the internet spent the last 72 hours binge drinking and this is what it vomited up the morning after.

Government Websites:

People in any country trust their government to make decisions regarding their future, their children’s future and their children’s children’s future. If their websites are any indication, then the citizens of the following countries are in for a real surprise.

* Cannot guarantee that all of these are the official government sites, but this is what the research revealed

http://www.korea-dpr.com/

This website made me ronrey… oh wait! You can apply for membership and read Kim Jong-il’s biography – maybe I should remove it from this list… NOT!

http://www.afghangovernment.com/

Here is a bright idea, let’s make all the text look like it links somewhere else. Actually, they could improve it by making the text link elsewhere – a place that is awesome and will erase the pain this site has just inflicted on you.

http://replay.waybackmachine.org/20090204045721/http://www.gta.gov.zw/

I know Bob doesn’t want those “imperialist pigs from the West” to influence his country, but he really should consider taking some web design tips from them.

Business Sites

http://neuticles.com/index.php

I must admit, there is not a day that goes by where I don’t think: “Where could I possibly get testicle implants for my dog?” There is a place – and that place is Neuticles.com.

http://rentmychest.com/

Ok, so some tool decided to offer paid links on a website. He then thought that there were many people online who were hoping to rent someone’s chest (I mean really, who doesn’t search for chests to rent). Just to prove that nothing is impossible though, this “techno-genius” has actually got people to buy into his soul-destroying idea!

http://ikissyou.org/

Mahir – He will kiss you whether you like it or not. I know this is some sort of business because he provides you with the details of his manager at the bottom. By the terrific content he has supplied, I know that he is a “jurnalist” and also likes to “sample his fans”.

I cannot down this site because there is just way too much funny information to list. The important thing is: Ling – shoots car fuel costs in the ass.

The internet is so vast and there are so many other gems out there worthy of a mention, but after putting this together, I have gone blind twice, my spleen is burning and I scream myself to sleep at night – so please tell me about your list of worst websites while I recover in a warm, sunny, beautifully designed corner of the internet.